Motivation and Responsibility

     It's difficult for me to find motivation most days. Heck, writing this blog was difficult. But since the last few weeks here at work, I have been feeling more motivated. I have signed up for various classes the county offers that may help my career as well as myself as a person. And motivation has occurred not just at work. It has spilled over a bit into home.  As I've said in previous posts, dropping Facebook from my life has freed up a bit of my time. And not all of it is just eBay. 

    I think I may actually put the effort into putting up at least A section of fencing I need to keep Flash in my backyard. Though I know already it will get tiring and arduous 

because there is most definitely a gas line buried two feet below where a post will be needed. No what?

    My goal is to tackle projects I would never have ever tried. Even going in blind. My father learned to do a lot of his own work by just doing. He didn't even have the benefit of having the internet to make sure he was doing something right. He just figured it out.  And if he messed up, he redid it.

    And this then leads over into responsibility. I am in my Forties and at time I feel like a grown boy. And while being a kid at heart can be fun, this doesn't help when trying to teach my own kids about responsibilities. I have to set the example. I have to not be a hypocrite when I tell them to clean up after themselves. To be polite and honest at all times. I know I have exhibited the bad behaviour they then turn around and show me. And while yes I do get mad, I have to approach it with the understanding that I am at fault for some of this. One thing I am doing different from my parents (I think) is that I am listening to my kids. Sure, sometimes I don't and usually thats comes out of tiredness or frustration of hearing them cry....again. But I try and put myself in their position. I try to think of what it is they are trying to communicate to myself or their mom. It is not at all easy. Like I said, sometimes I fail. But I really try to give my kids a voice. To feel listened to. 

    That in no way means that they get whatever they want. It in fact means the opposite. When I get my kids to calm down if they are having a tantrum, we can talk about how and why they reacted the way they did. But they can also listen to the how and why they are being punished if they are. It gives them a better and clear understanding of actions and consequences.

    It has been 15 years now that I have been a firefighter. And just now I have had multiple people refer to me as a senior firefighter. And that feels strange and...undeserved. But that doesn't mean it is not true. And it really means that I have to step up to be a better example to the newer folks coming up and into this job. 

    To be honest I am still uncertain if I want to try for a higher rank. Seeing the addition of so much paperwork that goes with it is just not appealing. But then, I was also certain I didn't want to ever drive any apparatus due to the responsibility that came with it. And now here I am.